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<title>when I fall asleep (it is your eyes that I close) by spencers-renaissance (tomlinsoul)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27781627">when I fall asleep (it is your eyes that I close)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomlinsoul/pseuds/spencers-renaissance'>spencers-renaissance (tomlinsoul)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>2020 12 Fic Challenge [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety, Caretaking, Clingy Spencer Reid, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Domesticity, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Intimacy, Like seriously they're touching more often than not here, M/M, Nightmares, Pet Names, Protective Derek Morgan, Sharing Clothes, Sleep Deprivation, Sleepy Cuddles, Spencer climbing into Derek's lap :'), Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Touch-Starved, Vulnerable Spencer Reid, physical affection</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:40:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,985</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27781627</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomlinsoul/pseuds/spencers-renaissance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer's not been sleeping, and as much as Derek adores his sleepy clinginess, as soon as they get home he's determined to get to the bottom of it. </p><p>or; the clingy!spencer fic full of physical affection that demanded to be written.</p><p>(Stand-alone oneshot as part of my ongoing challenge, with no relation to other works in this series!)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>2020 12 Fic Challenge [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1972651</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>350</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>when I fall asleep (it is your eyes that I close)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is part 9 of my 12 Fic Challenge!</p><p>The title is from Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda - one of my favourite poems of his. The full quote is:</p><p>"I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving<br/>but this in which there is no I or you<br/>so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand<br/>so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that I close"</p><p>... and that sums this fic up I think </p><p>Anyway, please enjoy this lovely little fluff piece and ignore any Britishisms!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Derek had spent pretty much the whole case worried about his boyfriend. Spencer hadn’t slept properly for over a week and it was beginning to show: the circles under his eyes darkening steadily, weariness written in every stance, unable to even hold himself upright properly. He’d even got teary at one point in the hotel room after another long day with no break, climbing into bed and curling up against Derek’s side in a way he never does when they’re working a case. </p><p>At least he wasn’t the only one watching him like a hawk, Hotch had pointedly kept him out of the field as much as possible and JJ and Emily were especially kind to him, everyone turning a blind eye to his coffee consumption. But after the case is finally wrapped up and they’re in the SUVs on the way to the jet and Spencer can barely keep his eyes open, Derek’s worry increases slightly. Hotch is shooting him questioning looks in the rearview mirror but he can only reply with an equally dubious shrug. </p><p>They’d come out to the team a few months ago after keeping it tightly under wraps for over a year, and even though it was still very much a team secret, everyone was grossly supportive among the relentless teasing. In moments like these, not having to hide it is an advantage in every way. He scoots over to the middle seat and pulls Spencer to gently lean against his shoulder, kissing the top of his head. </p><p>“You’re a softie, you know that, Derek?” Emily grins from the front seat. </p><p>“You caught me,” he smiles back, resting his head on top of Spencer’s as he clasps one of his boyfriend’s hands in his own. “You alright, pretty boy?” he whispers. </p><p>Spencer manages a small hum as his eyelids flutter close again, resting against the warmth and comfort of his partner. He makes it to the jet without falling asleep, but only barely. Derek is adamant on holding his hand up the stairs; he’s far too wobbly on his feet for his liking. </p><p>They collapse into the closest pair of seats, Derek stowing both of their bags before getting his boyfriend comfortable. “Do you need anything, baby?” he asks softly, ignoring the rest of the team finding their seats as they chatter amongst themselves. </p><p>“I’m cold,” Spencer mumbles as he looks up at Derek with wide, exhausted eyes.</p><p>“You want my hoodie?” Derek suggests, pulling at the fabric. </p><p>At Spencer’s earnest nod he wastes no time in peeling it off and helping Spencer into it, watching him settle  comfortably into the warm, oversized fabric with a fond smile over his face. He presses a gentle, lingering kiss to his lips before swiping his thumb over his bottom lip. “I love you, pretty boy,” he says softly, unable to stop himself but sure to keep his words safe from prying ears, “you know that, right?”</p><p>Spencer nods again, smiling lazily. “I love you, too, Der,” he says sleepily. </p><p>He’s out like a light by the time Derek’s settled into his own seat, headphones playing his favourite post-case playlist, and a quick glance around the cabin reveals he’s not the only one smiling fondly at the youngest member of the team. </p><p> </p><p>At some point, he must have dozed off himself because he’s awoken mid-flight -- when everyone else is either buried in paperwork, napping, or doing their own thing -- by Spencer climbing into his lap. </p><p>“Hey, hey, baby,” he mutters, confusedly lifting a headphone off his ear, “what’s wrong?” </p><p>“Need a cuddle,” Spencer murmurs, before continuing to settle himself against Derek’s chest. He’s straddling him with his face buried in his boyfriend’s neck, only quieting properly when Derek wraps his arms around him and holds him closely.</p><p>Spencer’s clinginess was one of his boyfriend’s characteristics that had surprised him the most at the start of their relationship. He was attached to Derek’s hip most of the time, always desperate for a cuddle; he’d had to adjust to sleeping with someone lying practically on top of him fairly quickly. As much as it had blindsided him, however, he absolutely adored how cuddly Spencer was. It proved to him that Spencer really was proud to be his boyfriend when he insisted on always touching him in some way -- with the exception of work -- and Derek found it utterly adorable. </p><p>“You comfortable there, pretty boy?” he asks softly, running his hands up and down Spencer’s back. Positions like this had taken a while to perfect since they were the same height, but they’d had a year of practice to learn the perfect angles for Spencer to fit just right with Derek.</p><p>He feels him nod against his neck and chuckles slightly before resetting his headphones and settling back against the chair again, revelling in the warmth of his boyfriend pressed snugly against him. </p><p>Derek wakes up first, realising the jet is still before looking up to see the rest of the team grinning at them, Emily snapping as many pictures from as many angles as possible. He rolls his eyes before nudging Spencer gently, determined to get off the plane and back home quickly. </p><p>That plan backfires, however, when Spencer just whines and presses closer into Derek. As cute as his boyfriend is being, and as much as Derek would absolutely relent if they were home, this is maybe just a bit too personal for his colleagues to be witnessing, especially for someone as private as him. He glares at the team and waves at them to go and luckily they obey, with the help of Hotch’s quiet ushering.</p><p>“Come on, baby,” Derek murmurs once they’re trailing down the steps and they have a bit more privacy. He sits up straight and, firmly gripping his thighs, he stands up with Spencer still hanging off him like a koala. Gently, he places him back down on the seat to allow him to wake up properly before grabbing their bags and putting his headphones away. </p><p>When he turns back, Spencer is yawning and sleepily rubbing his eyes, but at least he’s sat up straight. Offering his hand, he guides them off the jet and straight down to the parking garage, determined to get Spencer wrapped up in bed as fast as humanly possible. </p><p>★</p><p>“Right, you need to eat something, and then let's get you into bed, pretty boy,” Derek says as he plants Spencer on the sofa and makes his way into the kitchen. “What do you fancy?”</p><p>“Omelette?” Spencer suggests, sinking into the comfortable cushions of the sofa. It had been one of their biggest arguments when they’d moved in together: Spencer had flat out refused to give up his couch, despite Derek’s being newer and in much better nick. He just couldn’t bear to part with the familiar green fabric with its countless coffee stains, it was far too comfortable and acted as a security blanket for him in many ways. Derek, being the big old softie he was for Spencer, had finally relented and had to admit, the sofa had definitely grown on him. </p><p>“Coming right up,” Derek grins as he gathers the ingredients to make them both some veggie-filled, nutritious eggs that would make a nice change from the take-away and junk food they’d gorged themselves over the past week. </p><p>“Thank you,” Spencer murmurs as Derek brings his over a few minutes later, leaning up to kiss him before he can pull away.</p><p>“That’s ‘thank you, Chef’, to you,” he teases as they tuck in and eat in comfortable silence. </p><p>“Bed, now?” Spencer asks as he puts his empty plate on top of Derek’s, ready to take to the dishwasher. </p><p>“Just one second,” Derek says, catching Spencer’s wrist to pull him back down from his attempt to stand up and get ready for bed. “What’s been going on the past week, baby boy? I know you haven’t been sleeping well, but we’ve been together long enough for me to know there’s something else going on.”</p><p>Spencer sighs and looks down at his lap, knowing the jig is up. He takes a deep breath before looking back to Derek, eyes brimming with tears as he hesitates, not knowing how to communicate what he wants to say.</p><p>“Hey, you don’t have to worry about phrasing anything clearly, Spencer, you’ve been holding back a long time so just say whatever is going on in that pretty boy and we’ll take it from there, yeah?” he says soothingly, moving closer to his boyfriend, to give him his much needed physical comfort alongside the verbal reassurance. </p><p>“I’ve just felt anxious this week about a number of things, I don’t really know. I had a nightmare at the start of the week about my mom’s condition worsening so I called the facility and they told me that she’s been doing absolutely fine, but I couldn’t shake this impending feeling of… doom? Like I’ve been on edge all week that I’m going to get some bad news and I know it’s completely irrational, but I can’t help it. And it sent me spiralling, worrying about the future because I guess it just reminded me that one day that call will come, and I’ll have no warning.” He struggles through it fairly slowly, but at least he finally gets it out, blinking tears away as much as possible, though unable to prevent a good few dripping down his cheeks.</p><p>Derek reaches a thumb out to brush them away, smiling softly. “Oh, baby,” he says sympathetically, “that’s completely understandable. I’m proud of you for telling me. Is there anything I can do to help?” </p><p>Spencer smiles a little despite himself as he looks at Derek in a way that he understands immediately what he’s trying to convey. </p><p>“Ah, I see,” he chuckles, but he opens his arms anyway and Spencer climbs into his lap again pushing him back on the sofa so he’s lying on top of him. “You know I’m gonna be here for you no matter what, right?” </p><p>“I know,” Spencer whispers, cuddling closer as Derek’s hand goes to the back of his head, caressing his curls gently. “I love you, Derek.”</p><p>“Oh, pretty boy, you have no idea how much I love you,” he says gently. “I’d go to the ends of the earth for you. Now, how about we get ready for bed? You’re exhausted and I’ve cruelly kept you up even later.”</p><p>“Yes, I’m bitterly angry with you,” Spencer giggles as he pulls himself up a bit, so his hands are braced either side of Derek’s chest. </p><p>“Mm, how can I ever hope to be forgiven?” Derek raises an eyebrow, finding it very hard not to melt at the sight of his boyfriend giggling above him, eyes still glassy and face still flushed from his previous tears. </p><p>“Maybe, just maybe,” Spencer says, pretending to think, “you’ll be forgiven if you carry me to the bathroom and…”</p><p>“And?”</p><p>“Kiss me,” Spencer murmurs, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to Derek’s lips, moaning at the feeling of his hands roaming down his sides. </p><p>It’s not long before his upper body strength gives out and he collapses though, breaking the kiss and making them both laugh. </p><p>“Come on, pretty boy,” Derek says eventually, still grinning. “Bed time.” </p><p> </p><p>As usual, Spencer takes up his nightly position of acting as Derek’s very own weighted blanket. He kisses his curls before they both drop off to sleep, wrapping his arms around him and savouring the closeness of his boyfriend. “Love you,” he mumurms as he trails his fingers up Spencer’s sides.</p><p>Spencer manages to give Derek one quick squeeze in response before his body relaxes into the deep sleep he deserves after such an emotionally intense week, and Derek isn’t far behind him, sleep coming much quicker than it used to when he’s wrapped around the man he’s going to marry one day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Kudos and comments are always appreciated and make me very happy, but honestly just so glad you're here!</p><p>I love this fic, it's one of my favourites I've written so far because clingy!Spencer is one of my fav headcanons. Even better when paired with an equally cuddly Derek/Luke in my opinion. This definitely needs a Ralvez equivalent I reckon...</p><p>This is the <a href="https://spencers-renaissance.tumblr.com/post/636688790261514240/when-i-fall-asleep-it-is-your-eyes-that-i-close">rebloggable post</a>, and a reminder that this part of my ongoing challenge, so follow along on my tumblr if that's your jam :))</p></blockquote></div></div>
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